Thanks for ruining my day with your prescience, Susan Sontag from 1972. Awesome to see how not-at-all things have changed in the past 40 years.
Today in Old
During lunch I was in Forever 21 (hush) looking for a vest that has apparently gone out of style since it appeared in the storefront window this past week. I happened upon a shirt. Not a shirt remarkable in any major way. Just a typical Forever 21 shirt.
But the words. The words that came, unbidden, into my brain were these: “God, imagine if you saw your daughter wearing that shirt.”
I am officially 1,000 years old.
Can I buy a cigarette from you? I just got out of jail.
Working in Ruby and Objective C on the same project reminds me of that year in high school when I had Spanish the period after German. My thoughts were always half in German. Nowadays it’s mostly wishing Textmate were Xcode, so it could remind me that Ruby’s conditionals do not accept parentheses.
iOS Storyboard files are like electrons: under observation they are changed [in your local git repository]. Sigh.
I love this to bits:
"Mr. What About The Men
“The real problem here is all these false rape accusations that are destroying our society! 90 million men are falsely accused of rape every second! A woman just has to sort of mumble a word starting with ‘r’ and a man instantly gets a life sentence! There are no instances on record of a woman actually being raped!”
Ms. Tough Girl
“If women would learn martial arts—70-year-olds and women with disabilities can do this if they put their minds to it, darnit—and carry weapons everywhere, no one would ever get raped! All you have to do is be ready to threaten your own friends and lovers with lethal force at any moment, any anyone who can’t do that must be weak or something.”
Mr. Model Victims Only Please
“The victim was no angel herself. If you look at her record, she’s been arrested several times, she’s a single mother, and she’s living on welfare. So it’s not like she was some innocent little virgin beforehand. None of this makes it right, but I’m just saying, let’s not overreact like a good woman got ruined.”
Ms. Fashion Police
“Did you hear what she was wearing? I’m sorry but that’s just not common sense. If you go out looking like a piece of meat, you have to expect you’ll get treated like a piece of meat.”
Mr. I’m Not Blaming Her But It’s Her Fault
“Rape is never the victim’s fault, of course. But I just want people to admit that she has some responsibility. That she maybe played a part in it. That in an alternate universe where she’d done things differently and she lived in a steel Battlemech wearing a chastity belt, she wouldn’t have gotten raped, and she did make the choice to not use a Battlemech. I just need people to acknowledge that.”
Ms. Couples Therapy
“I dunno, seems to me like they both made mistakes. Maybe he just wasn’t reading her signals, or maybe she wasn’t communicating clearly to him. A lot can get caught up in an emotional moment like that and I bet they both feel really bad right now.”
Mr. Offensive And/Or Baffling Metaphor
“Look, if you walk down a dark alley with a wallet stuffed full of money, sure it’s still a crime when you get mugged, but what if the mugger is just trying to feed his family because he was laid off by an evil solicitor and the ghost showed him a lone crutch leaning in the corner?”
“If you put the pieces together, her story just doesn’t wash. She claims that he ripped her pants off, but her pants have a button fly. Ha! And she waited a whole forty minutes after the supposed rape to call the police—who would do that?”
“lol bitch deserved it loooollll”
Ms. You Don’t Just Get To Decide Whether You Consent
“She was seen earlier in the night drinking with this guy, talking to him, and even making out with him! And then she went up to his apartment! What did she think would happen? No one ever goes to a guy’s apartment unless they’re consenting to every sex act he could possibly want.”
Mr. How Do I Not Rape Someone It Is So Difficult
“I just don’t understand how to tell if someone is ‘consenting’ or not. What if she secretly decides she doesn’t like it—am I a rapist then? What if she changes her mind midway through? Or afterwards? It’s impossible to know what women want, so how am I supposed to know if they want to have sex with me or not?”
Ms. Traditional Values
“You know, back when women dressed modestly and simply didn’t go out drinking with strangers or going home with people they’d just met, this sort of thing didn’t happen.”
Mr. This Wouldn’t Happen If Women Would Just Fuck Me Already
“This sort of thing is inevitable when women constantly act as gatekeepers and doom beta males to a life of frustration and loneliness. Of course rape is horrible, but the pent-up rage felt by men cast aside just because they weren’t billionaire underwear models has to express itself somehow.”
Ms. Avoid The R-Word
“Wow, that is just not cool. Having sex under those circumstances—I mean, treating a girl like that—you know, being inappropriate with her—is a totally insensitive and downright mean thing to do.”“
Reading Faruk Ates’s Primer on Sexism in the Tech Industry has led me on a sort of odyssey of feminist exploration. This is awesome, but there is one point in the article that I just can’t shake: women are leaving STEM careers. As a study by Harvard Business Review stated, “more than half of all the women drop out before the age of retirement, with the biggest losses occurring around the age of 35.”
When I read that, having been a software developer for 13 years, I couldn’t help but think that that made total sense to me. In fact, it’s something that runs through my mind every so often. Why am I still here? It’s hard to put my finger on a single reason for this. Is it the occasional sexual harassment I have experienced over the years? The sexist jokes? The continual reminders that I am judged first by my appearance and second by my actual work? The minimization of my experiences of sexism? The abysmal lack of female colleagues? The fact that whenever I’ve been a part of a female developer group any mention of sexism in the industry brings forth a torrent of depressing experiences from women like me. Being described as a unicorn for even being in the industry? The missives by men who claim that women just aren’t interested in or made for technical careers? The insidious necessity of having to prove my competence at my job to each new male colleague?
When I started out in web development in 1999, I figured every newbie had to fight and compete to prove themselves worthy of respect. That made sense to me. Over time, however, it feels like wearing a backpack full of heavy rocks. You’re used to it, because you’ve always worn it. As time goes on, however, you get older and you start to notice it. It’s heavy. Does everyone else have to carry all these rocks, you wonder? And if not, why am I carrying them?
I’m a guy, and I need feminism. Not “men’s rights.” Feminism. Here is why.
Everything that MRAs talk about that men can’t do or are socially punished for arise directly and immediately from misogyny. Not “misandry.” Misogyny.
Whether I am expressing my emotions, playing with children, baking, having sex wherein I am penetrated in any way, wearing the wrong color, talking the wrong way, moving the wrong way, being sexually harassed/assaulted, or paying too little attention to looking like I’m not paying attention to how I look, when society punishes me or derides me or marginalizes me for these things, it is happening because they are things women, not men, are expected to do, and our society at large fucking hates women.
Has that sunk in yet?
Men, can you even think of a single goddamn way you have ever been mocked that wasn’t related to something that a misogynist society sees as feminizing? Even when large men are mocked for their bodies, they are referred to as having “man-boobs,” for fucks sake.
How do you expect to improve those things with “men’s rights?” What right are you fighting for? I can tell you what I think you’re fighting for. I think you’re fighting for the right to contain and control misogyny, and direct it back at women, where you think it belongs. You want to maintain your privilege but erase its consequences, and that’s why your movement is farcical; it’s a big fucking feedback loop. How do you expect men to be free from the peripheral effects of misogyny when you refuse to even fucking believe it’s real?
Create neat things with datasets using Google Fusion Tables.
This is so fucking cool.
As a little tomboy, I never had much use for girls’ toys when I was wee. I spent a lot of time mentally massaging boys’ toys into something acceptable for me to play and identify with (because boys’ toys were so much cooler, natch), so clea